Pity Party for myself

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                   Sorry I haven’t written in awhile, I have had so much going on, I got back from break and I worked and then I got a cold that turned into a sinus infection, and my parents are going through a thing. My life has been crazy, with planning my senior recital, planning my wedding, seeing my fiancé as much as I can, homework, work, and cross country, I just haven’t had time to breathe. To be honest, I haven’t felt like writing much, I’ve found that my brain and heart have been very tired lately. Don’t get me wrong I have had some amazing days these past few weeks, but I’ve also had emotionally difficult ones.

                            I was having a pity party for myself, but when I did my devotions the other day I came across this verse,

In that day the mountains will drip new wine, and the hills will flow with milk, all the ravines of Judah will run with water. A fountain will flow out of the Lord’s house and will water the valley of Acacias.

          Joel is a minor prophet in the Bible, however, what he says is amazing to think about, Joel writes about all the locusts in the land that are destroying everything. He writes about them though, in terms of a human army, depicting divine judgement on the nation because of sin. You go through the first two chapters just feeling like Joel is beating you over the head but then you get to chapter three and its like he has lifted your head out of the water. Its a blessing to the people of God, and the chapter foreshadows the coming of Jesus (at that time) and how much God loves His people.

                       On the phone with my dad today, he basically said my brain isn’t right, that my thinking is twisted, I don’t understand anything, and that I don’t really know him. Satan’s lies starting coming back into my heart and mind and made me feel really bad about myself. I had a little pity party for myself in my mind but then God reminded me that He is with me and He won’t leave me. I asked Him for guidance in knowing what to do and think, and I remembered this verse,

He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me- Psalm 18:19

              No matter what my earthly father says, my Father in heaven loves me and made me, He has a purpose for me, and I have to remember that I was made good. I made a list of things that are good to remember whenever I think these things about myself, and all of them are from scripture. Its easy to forget that the things that are true about ourselves are not from people on the earth, but from the King of Heaven. I hope this list will help you in times of self- doubt, in times of thinking you’re not good enough. Zacchaeus didn’t think he was worthy of having Jesus over but Jesus wanted to come over to his house because He loved him, and Zacchaeus was so excited and changed his ways after that act of love. Even the people who seem the least, are loved and are worthy.

1. You are loved- John 3:16

2. You are forgiven-Psalm 103:12

3. You are redeemed-Job 19:25

4. You are a child of god- John 1:12

5. You are made new and good- 2 corinthians 5:17

6. You are important-Ephesians 1:4

7. You are not a mistake-Ephesians 2:10

8. You are chosen and belong to God-1 Thessalonians 1:4

9. You are capable-Philippians 4:13

10. You are healed- Isaiah 53:5

                    I hope this helps you the way it helps me when satan comes against me. The pastor of the church I used to go to always said this;

You are not an accident and you’re not a mistake.

                Now I can see the truth in his words. We belong to Christ, and what others think of us, is not going to change the way God thinks about us or, how He has made us. God delights in us, He loves us, we are His children and nothing is going to change that! Ever! There is absolutely nothing we could do that would make Him love us less. We will go through seasons where there are weeks, that we just won’t feel connected to anyone or anything, weeks where the past comes back to bring us down. We have to put on the armor of Christ and fight against the lies, and the way to do that is to consistently be in the word, and being intentional with our relationship with christ.

               I hope you’re all having a wonderful week and that if you have some bad days like I’ve been having, you’ll be able to see Christ in everything and be filled with joy again.

Much love,

M

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