I think I may have mentioned this before but…I struggle with body image. Most women in America struggle with this also, and sometimes it can develop into a eating disorder. What I mean is, it can become all you think about, you constantly cut how much you eat, you watch what you eat to a fault and then one doughnut and you’re beating yourself up for months. This is me, I have always struggled with how I look, and overtime I would have pizza or cookies I would look in the mirror and feel awful about myself. When I got into college I started losing weight and feeling better about myself, I was 159 pounds, overweight for my age, but by junior year I was 135 pounds. Once I saw how much weight I lost, I started obsessing over my weight. I started making sure I always ate right and whenever I had one or two cookies I would work out harder. I wouldn’t let myself enjoy food, I wouldn’t let myself miss a day of working out.
I admit, even after graduation and my wedding, I still obsessed over my weight, and then, we found out I was pregnant. I look at pictures all the time of women who stay fit during pregnancy and women who are normal pregnancy weight gain and I realized, I can’t obsess anymore. I sat down and talked to myself and God, I know I am going to gain weight, I know that I am going to have to work off the weight once the baby is born. I know I am going to deal with body image again once the baby is born, but, what I also know is, I don’t have to use this time as a free for all. You always hear “You’re eating for two now” and women use that as an excuse to eat whatever they want. I just started to get my appetite back, and I am always hungry but, I do not go out and order three burgers and a large fry. Instead I go to places like Panera and eat salads that have the things my body needs, and sometimes, like if I crave Chinese I get only what I know I can handle.
Eating for two can mean eating healthy and I don’t have to gain more weight than normal, most women gain 20-35 pounds in their pregnancy, and I know that if I gain that weight and I don’t go over what I am supposed to gain, that I will easily be able to lose it again. I am accepting that I cannot control the weight gain completely but I can control what I eat and pick the best things for my baby. The days aren’t always going to be easy and Im not always going to feel pretty but, the weight gain, is going to be worth it when I see that baby. Its not easy to accept that I am gaining weight but, I have to accept it and all I can do, is try my best to make good decisions while Im pregnant.
In some ways, there are different beauties about being pregnant, I can grow a human being in my body! My body is doing so many different things right now that my husband cannot do, things that I wouldn’t be able to do unless the Lord made my body able. God made women’s body in a way that it can handle the incredible and complex process of growing a human being. It is only by the grace of God that I am able to have this child, and that, is beautiful. I can honestly say I haven’t obsessed about my weight since I found out about my baby.