I struggled most of my life with feeling like I was just born different and that for my parents to love me I had to do everything perfectly and act like nothing was wrong. Eventually when I saw that I couldn’t be perfect, I stopped trying and I became the worst version of myself. I was in an unhealthy relationship, I let my parents define who I was, I never left my room, I didn’t have many close friends and I hated myself.
Maybe your story is similar to mine and maybe its not, instead of social anxiety and toxic relationships, its depression, ADHD, or a friendship that hurt your bad, or someone unhealthy in your life that you love controlled and manipulated you. Whatever the case, we have all hurt and we all have pain. Some of us struggle with physical illness while others with mental illness. In any of these situations, freedom and healing are a choice. It isn’t until we choose health that we begin to heal and become free from our burden and shame.
In “Made Well” by Jenny Simmons, she talks about the people around us and how they affect our healing;
Sometimes we must force ourselves to choose the invitation of healing when the people around us would just as soon never see us healed. Whether consciously or subconsciously, these people have created an unhealthy system that depends on everyone around them staying sick and bound up. Finding freedom that enables you to move forward threatens their system. Your oppression is vital to the codependent operation they have created. Your healing threatens to undo their stronghold. If you are made well, those around you are confronted with their own ability to be made well. – Jenny Simmons
If there are people in your life that are toxic, that make you feel oppressed, angry, or like you have no control, you have to choose freedom. When we accept that we have something going on, something ugly, we must choose, in the face of everything to heal and be free. For a long time there was one person in my life who I just felt wanted to control everything I did and because I wanted to take care of them and please them, I let them hurt me and instead of healing I chose manipulation.
I never got in control of my anxiety, instead, I let people use it to their advantage and as a result, I got “sicker” each day. Im going to tell you this, if you choose freedom and healing, the people around you are forced to accept that they are messed up too. Once I accepted freedom and healing, my anxiety started to be controlled better, I moved forward and that person that controlled me chose to stay in their darkness and they got angry with me because I was choosing the light.
In Psychology Today,Margalis Fjelstad, calls people like me “Emotional caregivers” and its so true. She says that most of them end up with mild to extreme forms of anxiety, depression, loss of esteem, and fear. She says that they even suffer from physical symptoms such as: migraines, insomnia, back and muscle pain, and indigestion. I know this is true because I suffer with many of these all the time.
I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing, and I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside. – WM Paul Young
If you’re hurting, suffering, and want freedom, you have to chase after it, you have to choose healing. You have to accept the invitation that we are all given each day to move forward and heal. Healing does hurt, but out of that hurt comes a weight lifted off your shoulder, wisdom, and health. Being healthy is so important, not only physically but mentally as well. I find that mental health often helps physical help. No one else can heal you, no one else can accept freedom for you. It is up to you, bitterness, rage, jealousy, vengeance won’t leave your spirit until you choose to be healthy and free. Once you let go of those things, your soul will be so light and so whole.
When I found God, I was in such a place of brokenness, and two years after I gave Him my life, I faced two choices. I could continue living in fear and pain and let the toxic people in my life control me, or, I could choose freedom and healing. I chose freedom, Christ gave me that freedom. For me, God was part of my healing, and I pray that even if you don’t know God, or believe in Him, that you’ll have the strength to let go of those people and accept freedom and health.
Losing will not always amount to a loss, sometimes you have to lose those toxic relationships and bad habits to create a space for better things.-Gugu Mona
If you struggle with choosing freedom and healing, remember, the people in your life, they are supposed to raise you up not bring you down. You can only help others when you’ve helped yourself. You are loved, valued, and wanted. you are enough. Remember that, always.