What a wretched man I am

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What a wretched man I am.

Selfishness and pride fill my being

You call me beautiful but Im not sure the mirror agrees.

Anxiety follows me in a stream of backhanded flattery.

Somehow I manage to make it to the safe place.

The secret place where I can be

just yours and not something else.

Days come and still Im greedy.

If I were a vase Id harbor dead flowers.

You make me a vase of life

and I learn to love like you have me.

What a wretched man I am.

What would I be if you didn’t first love me?

Not quite a poet or a musician

a jack of all trades but a master of nothing.

Inadequacy screams in my ear “You’ll never be anything!”

Your heart whispers beside me

“You’ll be everything”

You lavish me like a princess on a mountain

but I look like a doll in rags.

Who are you that you claim me as your own?

A misplaced misfit with nowhere to go.

You lead me into your home and say “its yours”

What a wretched man I am.

At every chance I take root in the wrong things

but still you pursue me with everything

Mostly broken and missing a few pieces

you sew new things on.

How could you love one like me?

A freak, a stuck up introvert.

Those things are talents you’ve given to me.

You encourage me and open my eyes to see.

I am not worthy but, in spite of that truth,

you don’t see.

You only speak “Come” and I must follow

for it I don’t, I fear my feet will lead me wrong.

What a wretched man I am.

With judgement in my heart,

and yet you wipe it clean.

Lifting up stained hands you set me free,

who am I to praise you?

I dare not speak your name,

it is more precious than every inch of my being.

Still you sing, “You are worthy, you are mine”

Am I that special to you? Am I that valued?

Who says you can love like that?

Who says you can unbind my chains?

Is it the one you call Father? is it the one who sent you to die?

Is it because you made a way?

What a wretched man I am.

I take part of crucifying you.

Still you love, still you tell me to stay.

What a wretched man, what an awful man.

What a loved man am I.

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